You probably won’t believe this but I just came back from the year 4022. Yeah, that sounds a little big, but if you can believe 10% of what they say at political rallies you can trust me. Have you always dreamed of knowing what people will say about us in 2000 years? Well it’s now possible because I’m bringing you exclusive info from the 41st century. Hang on because we don’t give a damn about us at this time.
1. “They dressed like shit”
First thing that might be said: our style of dress is not going at all. In the program “the shopping queens of the future” (a rather stupid name since for them it’s the present and not the future) we will be taken as a reference to say that we are the worst fashion faux pas of the history of mankind, especially high-waisted, straight-cut pants, they are used to dress inmates in prison in the future.
2. “Why did they continue to pollute when all the lights were red?”
If you are reading this top in 2022 know that 2021 was the seventh hottest consecutive year on record. Global warming is a reality and nothing is being done to change it. I’m not going to get into bullshit morality, anyway it’s already screwed up and if no one listens to scientists there’s no reason for anyone to listen to me.
3. “They didn’t realize how lucky they were to have green spaces.”
Want to know what the world will look like in 4022? Imagine the biggest parking lot you’ve ever seen and mix it up with the biggest mall you’ve been to. You have it ? Here. This is the world of tomorrow.
4. “Dummies, they didn’t even have ads in their dreams.”
It must be said that in our time we are still relatively little exposed to advertising, there are some on the radio, on TV, in the metro, in buses, on buses, on benches, on our telephones, in our videos, in magazines, on store shelves, on our pets (it will come) but not in our dreams. And that’s really the proof that we are not evolved.
5. “Their means of transport were still running mdrrr.”
Yeah because in the future we won’t be moving around with rolling vehicles, nor flying cars for that matter, we will be moving like a dolphin. Yes, quite surprisingly we will realize around 3470 that the dolphin is the coolest means of transport of all, then since the entire planet will be under water it will be much easier to go to employment center.
6. “They were all very dumb overall.”
So assume that in 2000 years we will have made a lot of progress. You see how we evolved in 2000 already? And above all how do we give a damn about people 2000 years ago who nailed guys to crosses, dressed in togas and walked around with oxen and donkeys? Quite logically in 2000 years it will be our turn to be the laughingstock of the farce. Or the turkey. I do not remember. Anyway, we won’t use this expression anymore in 4022.
7. “Lucky they had Francis Cabrel.”
For some reason we don’t know Francis Cabrel will be remembered as the greatest artist of the 21st century and at the same time when we sang bullfighting we deserve it. Well done, son of Nouvelle-Aquitaine (which will be called Ancienne-Aquitaine in 4022).
8. “They still ate meat and vegetables.”
In the future we will feed exclusively on insects, at least those that have not disappeared. Flies what, there will remain more than flies overall. But don’t worry, we will have declined the food full of product, fly jam, roast fly and fly egg omelet for example.
9. “What did they have with their bullshit challenges?”
Each time a new challenge arrives, we tell ourselves that we won’t do worse and yet, just this morning, we discovered that the latest thing in vogue was farting in your grandparents’ respirator. So imagine if it continues by always becoming a little more stupid, obviously it is possible.
10. “They were still watching movies instead of living them.”
With 3D or 4DX one might think that we are reaching the top of what technologies allow in terms of cinema shows, well no. In the future we will be able to live the movies in the skin of Tom Cruise and fight bad guys, ride motorcycles and save the world. The only problem is that it will only work in Tom Cruise movies.
11. “The writers of their comedy sites were really out of ideas.”
A bit harsh, but fair, if you’ve come this far reading this top you’ve probably realized it’s true. And again, wait until you see the next point, I really didn’t tread, it’s almost as forced as this image.
12. “They weren’t actually doing anything but binge watch.”
Films, series, releases all the time, on twenty different platforms. It never stops. In the future people will have understood that it became a bit boring to follow so many things and to have so many choices and there will be only one series (in addition to Tom Cruise’s films): Dallas. Season 34885430.
13. “They were really all golblax.”
In 4021, the word “golblax” will be extremely popular for the 25-35 age group, but I have no idea what that means. Just know that it was the most used word on the minitel at that time. (yeah, the minitel will make a comeback in the future).
14. “They still really screwed up.”
The only thing our descendants will say to each other if we really have any is that we have really ruined the planet. And how do you respond to that? Well we had a good laugh, it was worth it. Watch the trailer for “Don’t Look Up” to see how funny it was.