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To remind us of our squishy vulnerability, and entice us to not be such dicks behind the wheel, the Transport Accident Commission of Victoria (Australia) collaborated with traffic researchers, a trauma surgeon, and an artist to create Graham: the man evolved to survive automobile accidents.

A wonky, alternate evolutionary line saw fit to equip Graham with multiple protective features. His awful skull is larger, more robust, and full of crumple zones that act like a helmet, which is purposefully designed to break on impact so the force doesn’t transfer to the brain.

His voluminous cranium also holds more cerebrospinal fluid, the brain’s natural shock-absorber. To safeguard his visage, Graham’s face is flat as a pug’s and offset by protruding, fat-filled jowls for extra cushion. And to avoid neck and head injuries caused by whiplash, Graham simply doesn’t have a neck. Instead, his ribs extend upward to his head to form a bony brace. 

Graham model

Transport Accident Commission

Here, Graham is introduced to children, breaking several laws.

His vomit-inducing barrel-chest, with its descending rows of dog nipples, is adapted to resist impacts. So it’s full of airbag-like sacs between each rib to protect his vital parts and reduce his forward momentum. The dog nipples are aesthetic.

Also, to avoid spending his twilight years in a Rascal scooter, Graham has multi-directional joints and extra tendons throughout his lower limbs, along with “strong, hoof-like legs” so he can spring to safety like the kangaroos that so often find themselves embedded in the grills of Australia’s road trains. Finally, Graham’s tough, thick skin protects him from road rash, should he be sent ragdolling like a GTA prostitute.

Graham model

Transport Accident Commission

Graham cannot die, he just wishes he could.

Again, the project’s goal is to remind us that we ourselves are not Graham, so when we drive, we need to keep in mind just how fragile we really are. But why can’t we be Graham? C’mon—a few stem cells plopped in the right place, an enhanced endoskeleton made of servomotors, an army of bacteria to give our extra body parts a second brain, and we can bring this nightmare machine to life. 

Top image: Transport Accident Commission

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